College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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