all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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