in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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