There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize