At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
