dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Someone shattered a urinal.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I want a musical about memes.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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