Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
