can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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