sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
