You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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