dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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