If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
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