I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
