I want to walk on stilts...naked
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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