We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
