there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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