I've blown a few things in my day
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
