yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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