I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
