Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
