my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
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