brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
