What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
P.S. I can't hear my feet
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
