I accidentally burped into my bong.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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