Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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