watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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