just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
