I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Panties = found
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