I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Randomize
