I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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