Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
