A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
