well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
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Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
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You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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