is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
