Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
