Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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