your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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