You can't motorboat a personality
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
