A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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