Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
as a side note pls kill me
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
