Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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