when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
