Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
