so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
