this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
