I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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