I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
