Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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