I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
