I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
