remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
