i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
