swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
