Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
