I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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