I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
