i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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