a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize