Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
