I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
