textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
