You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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